Children and depression: How do you know?

Previously published in the Clarion News, January 20, 2000

An acquaintance recently asked how you would know whether a child was depressed or running into other problems. This is an especially thorny issue as people, kids especially, handle depression, stress and anxiety in different ways. Some handle problems by becoming withdrawn, tearful, and sad. Especially when their sadness continues for more than two weeks -- unless their behavior is a normal reaction to a loss -- it's time to worry.

While some children look sad when things aren't going well in their lives, others begin to act out. Suspect depression or that something else is wrong when a child begins to be more irritable than in the past, when tantrums increase in frequency, when eating or sleeping habits change significantly, when grades drop, or when they run into more problems with authorities. Often they will be unable to say they were depressed -- until things begin to get better.

One of the things to be aware of is that either increases or decreases from "normal" for a child could be problematic. An eight-year-old who was sleeping ten hours a day and who is now having difficulty falling or staying asleep is probably having problems -- and so is her brother who is now sleeping thirteen hours a night. An A student who is now getting Cs may be having problems, while a C student who is now studying six hours a day, and anxious if he misses even one question on an exam may be having a different set of problems.

One more complication: Susie's grades may drop because sixth grade is harder than fifth and not because she is depressed. Joey may begin studying harder because he has a teacher who is really motivating or because he has realized that he needs good grades to get into medical school. Be aware of environmental factors which explain why a child's behavior changes significantly, but worry if your child's behavior becomes inflexible, I must get 100% on this exam. Some things to keep in mind to help you decide whether your child needs help:

1. Know your child. You probably know your children better than anyone else does. Pay attention to when their behavior changes significantly or when they can't handle problems that they would normally be able to handle. Everyone has bad days, but when their bad days extend into weeks, ask for help.
2. Listen. Some children will let you know there's a problem in veiled ways. They may become more negative or pessimistic. They may tell you that no one understands them, that there's no reason to try. They may tell you that they can't do things that they used to be able to do. Each of these children is telling you there's a problem.
3. Take care of yourself. When you are stressed, depressed or exhausted you are more likely to overlook problems until they get bad enough to smack you in the face. Self-care should be a regular part of your parenting strategy.
4. Don't overreact, but act. Not all problematic behavior means that your child has a problem. All children are sometimes mean or irritable, have difficulty eating or sleeping, feel like they have no friends, etc. When this continues and causes them problems at home, school, or with their friends, do something. If you don't know what to do, ask for help! Talk to your pediatrician, child's teacher, school psychologist or minister -- or ask a friend to recommend a psychologist or social worker.

   Page by Jeanne M. Slattery jms
   URL= http://psy1.clarion.edu/jms/depressedkid.html

   Last modified January 24, 2001.

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