Every family is organized. Consider the typical roles that your family adopts (e.g., parentified child, identified patient, caretaker, black sheep, etc.). How do these roles work for your family? Are they flexible enough to allow people to grow and become all they can be or are they limiting and inflexible. For example, some children may be so firmly entrenched in the black sheep role that neither they nor their parents recognize their successes.

What are the rules in your family? Although your family may have spoken rules, the unspoken ones about power, intimacy, patterns and content of communication, distribution of work within the family, are more interesting. Pay attention to your reactions when you visit another family or try to do something different in yours. When it causes a strong emotional reaction, it probably is a sign that you've just seen a family rule being violated.

And, of course, different families operate under different rules. Many of you are lucky enough to belong to two or more families (e.g., your family of origin and your partner's family; your first family and your adoptive family; your family of origin and your current partner and children; your first family, your mother's new marriage, your father's new relationship, their children, your step-siblings and half-siblings; or your family and that of your best friend). If so, consider comparing the rules in the different families. In looking at other families, you are likely to get a better picture of the rules and roles in your current family.

Page by jms
URL= http://psy1.clarion.edu/jms/cptrules.html

Last updated November 20, 2003