I remember deciding not too long ago that if I could just stop binging and start eating right, my life would be "perfect." If I could just get control over food, I told myself, bulimia would disappear from my mind and my life. How very wrong I was.
At that point I was dealing with my bulimia in the same way as a doctor who would treat a sick person's sneezes rather than her cold. I was trying to treat the symptom of bulimia (overeating) rather than the disease itself.
Bulimia does not deal with food or overeating or binging. Food is not the problem. I believe, however, that bulimia does deal with hunger. Each binge is a signal that the bulimic is starving to death and is desperately seeking nourishment. This hunger, however, is one that does not come from physical emptiness but rather arises from an emptiness deep within a person, an emptiness of self. Food is not the problem behind the hunger and food is not the answer.
I do not deny that I am hungry when my binge voice starts screaming in my ear. I immediately admit that I am terribly hungry. But I then ask myself, "What am I hungry for?" Rarely am I hungry for food. Food is instead a way of feeding emotional hungers that I otherwise do not know how to feed.
|
|
topics |
|